I feel good, now.

I've been spending like almost a week in a local mental hospital talking to the patients there. Geez, I'm starting to feel that we are of the same genre. Anyway, I feel my old infirmary somehow is getting into me again.

Approximately 3 donkey years ago, I was severely depressed. My so-called boyfriend cheated over me and somehow I myself was displaced as the third party in the whole entangled relationship. It should not have been that bad if I had not put in lots of effort and sacrifices into trying to keep the whole thing alive. Neh. I was stupid and over-gullible.

I wondered why I got so depressed over it. My lecturer claims that the main cause of someone over-reacting / or reacting abnormally to such an emotional stressor is their ability to let it go, or to admit shame. True enough, for me. Probably I refused to admit defeat, and I struggled pathetically. Or maybe it was my jolted pride. Being cheated over isn't something nice to put into my list of achievements, is it not. Well, I've tried my best to forget the whole incident, yet after 36 months, probably now is the right time to dig it out, unfold it, and rescrutinize the whole thing again.

Ok. Here it goes. I admit that

1. I was the one who started to like him, blindly, although I knew he was so fucking far away from me back then.
2. I stupidly believed in him while he was courting me through the telephone for that past few months.
3. I should not have prioritize him while making decisions bout my future career and life.
4. I did not choose UNIMAS solely because of him (contary to what I told him before).
5. I have other men in my life when I was attached with him, and that I ditched them one after another slowly after we got serious.
6. I was seeing someone else in Kuching, but there were no intimacy involved.
7. I took him for granted believing that he needed me more that I needed him, and that he loved me more than I loved him.
8. I could not accept the fact that I was the fool and had been cheated over and over again.
9. I was just exaggerating bout how he had made an impact in my life, and that actually he did not mean that much to me.
10. I really do not need him anymore.
11. I was fucking stupid, and I will never be that stupid again.

Over the years I have been foolishly convincing others to curry their sympathy for me. Silly me. It would only have made me looked even doinker. The whole depressive epoch that I endured after he cheated and dumped me was an aftermath of my own self-denial to my blunders.

So, here comes the finale then. I feel better now. I feel good. I really do. :)

Birds flying high, You know how I feel. Sun in the sky,You know how I feel. Reeds driftin' on by, You know how I feel. It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life, for me. And I'm feeling good.

Fish in the sea, You know how I feel. River running free, You know how I feel. Blossom in the tree, You know how I feel. It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life for me. And I'm feeling good.

Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean, don't you know? Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean. Sleep in peace when the day is done. And this old world is a new world,And a bold world, For me.

Stars when you shine,You know how I feel. Scent of the pine,You know how I feel.Yeah, freedom is mine.And I know how I feel. It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life, for me. And I'm feeling good