3 Days 3 Nights in KL

I hate KL, and I never stop hating KL.

2 days and 2 nights, I have stayed in KL, and sadly, due to unforeseen circumstance (NO MORE TRAIN TICKETS), I will have be stranded here in this horrendous place, till Saturday. Pathetic.

My flight from Kuching to KLIA was a disasterous one, yet landing in KLIA-LCCT was totally detestable. I can't agree more to what my friend has described; I felt like disembarking onto a basketball court. I regretted having a gargantuan baggage, which I have to haul it from LCCT onto a shuttle bus to the main terminal, then to the KLIA Express Coach, up and down in KL Central into my uncle's car. Don't ask me why I didn't opt for the LCCT-Central shuttle bus instead. I hate buses and I have motion sickness.

The first day in KL I, unexpectedly, visited Sunway Pyramid, merely for two reasons. I haven't been there for like... 8 years, and I wanted to avoid a crowded cineplex since I wanted to watch Da Vinci's Code. Yesterday I dropped over to One Utama to watch X Men 3, and the cinema was less crowded as well. Anyway, I met Benny, a new friend, and also my big bro Isaac, whom we've been ridiculing and mocking for 3 years. Still, I got to make him treat me dinner (albeit his complaining and whining). Whahaha.

Sway

Well, to counter Cibetronic's plain selection of music (all typical boybands and pop idols), I have decided to put up some unknown yet savoury artiste that you may decide to try.

Bic Runga, a NZ singer with some Malaysian heritage, doesn't seem to have stirred anything yet here, yet, her sweet songs indeed have aroused my attention. It was incidental, where I was watching "American Pei", and the song was somewhere in one of the scenes. The melody just whoosh into my mind and it got glued there.

I would actually describe her voice as honey with a tinge of vinegar. She does have a sweet vocal, but most of her songs are glossed witha gloomy mood.

Take this song Sway, for example.

Don't stray, don't ever go away. I should be much too smart for this, you know it gets the better of me. Sometimes, when you and I collide. I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time. Don't let me drown, let me down. I say it's all because of you.

And here I go, losing my control. I'm practicing your name so I can say it to your face. It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye. Let all the things you mean to me, come tumbling out my mouth. Indeed it's time to tell you why I say it's infinitely true.

Say you'll stay, don't come and go, like you do. Sway my way, yeah I need to know all about you.

And there's no cure, and no way to be sure. Why everything's turned inside out, instilling so much doubt. It makes me so tired. I feel so uninspired. My head is battling with my heart. My logic has been torn apart. And now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon

It's all because of you It's all because of you It's all because of you

SIADH

I've just diagnosed myself with SIADH.

Well, it's not Syndrome of Inappropriate Anti-Diuretic Hormones, where your brain produces abnormal volume of vaspressin, causing you people to pee a lot and drink a lot.

Actually, its.... SINGLE, AVAILABLE, DESPERATE and HORNY!!!

So, I beseech you, save me from this horrid disease!

Pessimism

I have always been pessimistic bout me, my life and myself. Don't ask me why. I just don't know why.

Whenever I screw up something, I always expect for the worse. Probably everyone does that but for me I'm apt to some degree of exaggeration. Ok, fine. I get restless, a little bit distressed and very fretful thinking bout whatever the outcome will be. Maybe I'm timid, or maybe over-anxious. If it's in born, then it's fine since I can't do much to alter it.

Tomorrow and the day after are my big days. My Obs & Gynae exams for my 3rd year and Geezers I don't think I've did much prepataion for it. My housemate Mr. Q installed Baldur's Gate 2 on his pc, and darn I've been monopolying his pc for 4 days! Darn him. I think it's a conspiracy to stop me from studying and damn I can't stand the temptation. Anyway, I can't absorb much in last minute readings anyway. Just pray that the readings I've done weeks before suffice to pass my Obs & Gynae, which is said to be the most difficult posting in my 3rd year.

Well, I kind of like this song. Really pessimistic one. I've been singing it in the bathroom for days to irritate my roommate.

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch him sleeping
He's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would he ever doubt the way I feel
About him in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will he know how much I loved him
Did I try in every way to show him every day
That he's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And he must face this world without me
Is the love I gave him in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much he means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell him how I feel

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

My Reading Habits (Pt.2)

Well, during primary school there was a gush of change and I altered my taste a little. I began to indulge in Chinese literature and well, there goes my oriental mindset. I love chinese literati and of course, oriental philosphy, especially laoism and confuciusm. Well, that probably helped to sculpture what I am now. Hahaha.

Secondary school was a little bit different. All those exposure to dungeons and dragons stuffs dragged me along that path. I started reading Tolkien's writings at 17 after a KLSaw's bidding. The funny thing about that is that some of my friends at first commented that I was idiotic to read such stuffs, and in the end, after the making of LOTR the movie, they changed sides and go around boasting how much they love LOTR. -_-" Fake plastics.

Further influences from my aunty embarked me to pursue a medico-legal career (My Aunt's an accountant) and that's where I plan to lead -- forensic medicine. Anyway, the biggest motivation she gave me was those free books, except for Harry Potter. Yucks. I never like reading them.

I guess I just read what I like, and it's not wrong to say I do hinder myself from trying new stuffs. It's something silly I know, but hey... that's me. So, what is my involuted brain reading now? These... pathetic, isn't it?

My Reading Habits (Pt. 1)

I think my brain has involuted. What a sad thing. Since there must be a cause for everything that occurs, I attribute this tragedy to the faulty Malaysian Education System. LOL.

Anyway, I have not been reading much for the past few years. Erm... Probably I was too occupied with some other stuffs. Ok, my computer displaced my books; I got obsessed with playing computer games that I put away my books and started banging my keyboard and swinging my mouse. Nonetheless, that's not the main issue here. I still survived all those stupid government exams, and landed myself in a local varsity.

The first books I chewed on were ... THESE!!!

Anyway... what my aunties made fun of me were that... I actually read these. My aunty once said that she thinks there is no one else in this world that reads encyclopaedia for fun. I hope there's one somewhere else. Having said that I would like to add that the stuffs in encyclopaedia just intrigues me. There are like zounds and zounds of raw information waiting to be digested and absorbed. Sigh... that was last time.

Competition Sucks

I never like competitions. I hate them (because I've never won one before)

So, Mr. Kiasu-s... leave me alone!!!!

Grumpy Rickie.

Guilt

Let's talk about my sense of guilt today.

Wikipedia defines GUILT as, "...an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something one believes one should not have done (or, conversely, not having done something one believes one should have done)..."

Anyway, Freud goes on confusing us by saying guilt, a conscience driven feeling, is an aftermath of a struggle between the ego and the superego, and it does not go away easily. Erm... whatever. Guilt is bad to me, and it makes me feel bad!

I attribute my strong sense of guilt to parental imprinting and also my religious background.

My parents were kind of strict while I was school-going especially in primary school where all my teachers hate me, and hence they torture me. I never liked primary school and all my teachers! I knew they hate me. Sadly, I was one of the few little kids whose name were yelled out everytime during the routing caning session, when we'll be lined up in an Indian file with our hands stretched out like a giant milipede. Then you can hear the cane going whoosh whoosh whoosh as they land on our palms. I think eventually my hands got numb with the daily beatings. That which does not kill indeed makes thee stronger. Anyway, I'd love to visit my old primary school teachers and of course, cane them when I see them.

Now where was I again. Parental imprinting. I was brought up by my parents as a buddhist. The idea of Karma was engraved deep inside my mind and I did read books that elaborate more on it. What intrigues and instilled fear within me is that you reap whatever you sow, period. Damn.... I can't remember how many times I have sinned!

Anyway, the worse sense of guilt that struck me was the feeling after you had a casual sexual encounter. Erm... that depresses me a lot. I kind of feel fucking blue. I don't know why. But still, again and again... I go on doing the same stuff.

Well, I don't know when this cyclical sense of guilt will end, but it better do so. I don't want to jeopardize any other more relationships later.

Anyway, time for some guilt management. :)

Happy Mother's Day

I apologize for not being able to log on, blog and read you folks' blogs since the lousy streamyx connection in my hospital just went haywired for the past few days, and plus I was occupied with my studies. Anyway, what was I going to babble about again today? Oh, mother's day.

I think I can classify my relationship with my mother as 3 different stages.

I remembered being amazingly pampered when I was young. Can't help it. My mom said that I was fucking adorable and intelligent when I was a kid, that I could pick up things fast and make her marvel. Anyway, that's like 20 years ago already. Now she ridicules me all the time laughing at my clumsy blunders. Darn her.

The period after I went to school and before I started varsity life was the toughest. Well, I started to hate her more and more everyday. All the beatings and scoldings and whinings and naggings.... they were so unbearable, that I felt I could go insane. My mom was the old generation type that she believed whatever the teacher does is 100% appropriate, even thought they beat and torture your children. She was never supportive when my teachers abused me. That was why I avoided talking to her then. Well, we all have our own rebellious moments, don't we?

The only time we started our truce when I am already off in varsity, had my worst time in my life and having told her that I am gay. Well, she didn't scream or yell at me, contary to what I expected. Instead, she consoled me and reassured me things will be fine. I really did not expect that, at all.

Since then, she has never mentioned anything bout her approval of my gaylife, yet I still know she is very unhappy with it. Despite that, she still acts as if things are still the same and cares for me like how other mother cares for their sons. What intrigues me is that she finally picked up the art of sms, and now she's been abusing that piece of technology for hell knows! Now she keeps me updated frequently with the political turbulences or the weather changes in Kelantan, the recent happenings in my family, and sometimes bits and pieces of the latest gossip in town, and I do call her whenever I'm bored. Everyone commented that we talk more like friends do, rather than how a proper mother-son conversation should be.

Anyway, I know that my friends love my mother too, only for one reason... Her carrot cakes. Don't deny, you fools! That's the main reason why you people show up at my place on the 3rd day of CNY, not because I invited you! Arrgh. Darn, my mom has more charisma than I do. But then, that's where the charismatic genes come from.

I perceive my mom as an excellent planner and administrator, albeit her serious flaws in time management! Guess what, she only studied till Form 5. She was the one who actually planned my family, while my father executed it perfectly. LOL. At least we now live comfortably, although not luxuriously like others do. At times I know my parents could not afford to give me much, but then they did try to give me as much as they can.

What else should I say. Anyway, Mom. I love ya and thanks for everything you'd given me. :)

RiCKie

I hate nurses!

Why are there politics everywhere? Arrgh... Anyway, I'm sick of the stupid nurses in the hospital which I'm currently doing my practicals. I can't help being pissed off!

Obselete has the idea of nurses being angelic and saintly become, Alas! Instead of catering for the sickly and provide sufficient nursing care, they now spend more of their time indulging in office politics. I bet Florence Nightingale would kill herself if she knows what has happened now. Sigh.

Oh, and they take oaths too before taking up their duties as nurses. Let's see what they pledge.

"...I solemnly pledge myself before God and in the presence of this assembly, to pass my life in purity and to practice my profession faithfully. I will abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous, and will not take or knowingly administer any harmful drug. I will do all in my power to maintain and elevate the standard of my profession, and will hold in confidence all personal matters committed to my keeping and all family affairs coming to my knowledge in the practice of my calling. With loyalty will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work, and devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care..."

Bah, humbug! Well, definitely not all of them are of such horrid and putrid genre, yet, it's the sour cream that makes the milk bad. What a pity.

Anyway, I don't see why nurses should have a grudge against us. After all, we are nothing but free coolies. Why don't they let us do their work while they sit back in the pantry, have some tea and cookies and spend their free time gossiping bout each other? Or better, go watch TV in the first class wards or take some 40 winks and we'll tell them when the nursing sister comes to ambush them. Oh, no, they can't. They just have to pretend to be sooooooooooooo dedicated and do all their business, and then later spend the whole noon whining and complaining bout patients and medical students. Not only that, they'll try to pick up small errs that we did, make a big fuss bout it and alert the whole hospital bout it, then come up with some stupid resolutions and act as if they were the heroine(s). That's so pathetic.

I'm just pissed off.

Anyway, the circle will never end. They'll scold medical students, whom later in a few years graduate as medical doctors that will scold them back. Then they'll go on scolding the next batch of students who will .......... bla bla bla, and the vicious circle never ends.

Alas.

Mood Swings

I have been having severe mood swings since a few weeks ago. It's idiopathic and I don't think I can explain why either. It just comes and goes, like a gush of wind, and I can't do a thing about it.

I think it started manifesting since I came here to Kuching. Well, to think bout it, I think it actually happened after that heart-breaking incident I had, which my 3rd ex cheated over and bla bla bla... the story goes on.

Anyway, I did seek psychiatric treatment and I thought it had gone off, but seems like there are still residues inside me. Usually I get entrapped in a pseudo-depression state a few days in a month, and it usually goes off spontaneously without me having to do anything. Sometimes watching 3 DVDs in a night or getting online for 5 hours will do the trick; sometimes not.

These few weeks have been obnoxious for me; I felt like I were soulless. There was no emotion in me and I felt like so empty. Well, numbing myself with computer games surely did not do the trick, yet it made me addicted till I procrastinated all my studies! Damnit.

Ultimately last night I incidentally found a solution for it. I think it's the first time in 3 years that I jerked off without any visual/audio/gnostic stimulation. Gosh. I never thought I could do it.

I remembered when I was 11, when just merely the word "SEX", "PENIS" or "INTERCOURSE" was suffice enough to excite me. I think I started depending on visual stimulation when I started to get my own internet connection. All those gay porn must have stunted my fantasizing abilities. No wonder Mommy told me not to watch porn that much! It makes you dumb!

Anyway, it's a good thing. Now I'm back to my ownself and here I am, all fit to create havoc in everybody's lives. Evil, beware!

Revised Rickie's Criteria

I realized that I wrote this up months ago. Well, time to revise some of it. :)

Who am I?

24, miserably overweight. Losing my hair, my youth, my self esteem, and my sanity imminently. Emotional & chaotic. Always late for appointments and class. Simple and ordinary, but people tend to bear the false idea that I am a prodigee. Shy and unsecure. Jack of all trades and masters of none. Enjoys and despises being the center of the attention. Gets fed up easily. Short span of attention and patiences. Picky and fastidious about life, but never about food. Enjoys sentimental music with a little tinge of rock and pop, and now trying to pick back Chinese pop music. Still obsessed with British films and their accent. Hates sports but loves and misses childhood games. Enjoys playing with colours and people's ego. Knows nothing about but am totally fascinated with art, history and architecture. Worships nature and beauty.

What I look for in someone?
Around my age. Simplicity. Dresses moderately and mind you, no disasterous hairstyles. Easy going and understanding. Small body figure (easy to hug). Great heart. Great mind. Great soul. Great hands. Enjoys music and serenity. Sings instead of complains. Homely and easily satisfied. Down to earth and knows how to handle a turbulent me. Smiles and never frowns. Does not curses. Draws and designs. Enjoys literature and movies. Pulls an angelic face when I get mad at him. Enjoys intimacy.

Anyway. I've been eying on someone... but he's attached already. Sigh.

If I were...

I've got this from a friend's blog, and it should be pleasant to put up something annoying like this. Well, here goes.

IF I WERE

If I were a month, I would be: March (My birthday)

If I were a day of the week, I would be: Friday (I always have half a day's class on Fridays)

If I were a time of day, I would be: 11.30 pm (time to sleep)

If I were a planet, I would be: Neptune (I don't know why but I just like it)

If I were a sea animal, I would be: Shark (I'm so mean)

If I were a direction, I would be: East (where the sun rises)

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: a Ming Dynasty cherrywood table with carved motives of auspicious animals ( Well, I'm so into oriental stuffs)

If I were a liquer, I would be: Bloody Mary (Who cares? I don't drink anyway)

If I were a stone, I would be: Sapphire (It's blue)

If I were a tree, I would be: Willow (I just like that tree for no reason)

If I were a bird, I would be: A hummingbird (It's exotic)

If I were a tool, I would be: A powerdriller / jackhammer

If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Venus fly trap (Don't touch me!)

If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Thunderstorm(*clashes of lightning*)

If I were a mythical creature, I would be: Kirin (it's a compassionate mystical being)

If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Piano (well... flexible)

If I were an animal, I would be: Tom-cat (I love cats!)

If I were a color, I would be: Ocean blue

If I were an emotion, I would be: Melancholy

If I were a sound, I would be: Hustling of the wind against willow leaves

If I were a element, I would be: Berillium (I'm so reactive)

If I were a car, I would be: Errr.... I don't know bout cars.

If I were a song, I would be: Cruel To Be Kind, by Nick Lowe

If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Woody Allen

If I were a book, I would be written by: Shakespear (posh me)

If I were a food, I would be: Fugu-sashimi (I'm tantalizing and deadly)

If I were a place, I would be: Kyoto

If I were a material, I would be: a lover material

If I were a taste, I would be: Spicy

If I were a scent, I would be: Lime

.If I were a word, I would be: Antidisestablishmentarism

If I were an object, I would be: Trash

If I were a body part I would be: The eye

If I were a facial expression I would be: Thrilled

If I were a subject in school I would be: History

If I were a cartoon character I would be: Inuzaki Kaiba from Naruto

If I were a shape I would be: Pentagon Hex

If I were a number I would be: 38

NEXT QUESTION, PLEASE.........

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? A single story apartment

2. WHAT ARE YOU READING NOW? Handbook of Gynaecology and Obstetrics

3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?I don’t use one

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?Chess

5. FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?National Geographic / Time

.6. FAVOURITE SMELLS?Polo Sport

7. FAVOURITE SOUND?Choir songs

8. WORST FEELING?When you are bored and lonely and everyone's too busy to entertain you.

9.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?What did I dream just now again?

10. FAVOURITE COLOR?Blue

11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?One to two

12. NAME OF FUTURE CHILD?Scott, if I do have one

13. MOST IMPORTANT THING(s) IN LIFE?Health, Career, Family, Friends, Love (accordingly)

14. FAVOURITE FOODS?I eat everything

15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?Strawberry

16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?Lovely

17. SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?My Mr Bean's teddy!

18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY?Cool. Nature is bewildering.

19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?Nissan Sunny 130Y

20.WHERE IS YOUR FAVOURITE VACATION PLACE?Anywhere in the globe.

21. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON NOW, WHO WOULD IT BE?Siddharta Gautama

22. FAVOURITE ALCHOHOLIC DRINK?I don't drink

23. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?Pisces, Water Dog

24. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?If my mom made me to

25. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?Critic

26. PEPSI OR COKE?7-up

27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?Half empty.

28. FAVOURITE MOVIE?Love Actually

29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?Yes

30. WHAT IS UNDER YOU BED?There's no "under my bed". My mattress is on the floor.

31. FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH?Sex. Oooops, is that a sport?

32. WHAT IS CURRENTLY IN YOUR CD PLAYER?Some songs by Andy Hui

33. NAME ONE THING THAT YOU DID THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER DO?Told everyone I'm gay

34. WHAT IS THE NICEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU THIS WEEK?Watched a movie

35. NAME THE ONE THING THAT YOU LOVE DOING BUT DON’T HAVE THE GUTS TO DO?Dirty dancing

36. IF YOU WERE TO HAVE ONE MAGICAL POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHY?Ability to be invincible.

37. NAME ONE PERSON YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEND YOUR LAST DAY WITH?No idea yet

38. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTINY?No I believe in Karma

39. WHAT DO YOU DO WHILE TAKING A DUMP?I read and dream

40. WHO IS MY IDOL?Nobody. I worship myself

41. REASONS WHY YOU ARE LATE FOR WORK?Diarrhoea

42. OUR LIVES ARE SHAPED BY PEOPLE WHO LOVES US AND WHO DOESN’T LOVE US… YOU BELIEVE THIS?Sorta.

Thank You

For the past few nights I have been contemplating bout my past few relationships, albeit I'm stuck between my oppresive studies.

Anyway, what I can say is that all my relationships, they start fast and end fast. Probably I'm the one who's rushing in? Or maybe I'm the one who's getting too carried away. I have to share the blame, I guess.

Thank you is what I would like to say to all my exs. Thank you.

To my first, you taught me what it's like to be in love, and despite you never having the time to spend with me, you made me feel appreciated. Thank you.

To my second, well, it feels fucking good to be pampered, and I enjoy it. Thank you.

To my third, ironically, you were the one whom I loved the most, even though you were the one who made my life a living hell. Virtually I came over to Sarawak partially because of you, and idiotically ended up as a thrid party in your relationship. Anyway, you made me grew up. Thank you, and see you in hell.

To my fourth, I gratify you for giving me a lousy break up. Well, at least I made a swift decision to reject you even though you asked for a 2nd chance. I am strong now, and thank you.

To my fifth, thank you for making me independent. I think I can survive on my own now. Thank you.

To my sixth, you tested my patience enough and surprisingly I've never lost a slight bit of temper on you. Dumping you was a peaceful decision for me, and I enjoyed the it thoroughly. Thank you.

Thank you all for making me cold and cruel. *smirk* I like being mean. Haha.

SIX is definite enough. Thank you.

I'm craving to listen to this song. Ommigosh, I could have just cried when I listen to this...

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了

我知道自己在你心里已不重要

虽然我们曾经相聚过

也许对于你来说

已经没有什么值得回忆

我带着一颗沉重的心走了

我知道自己没有勇气道别离

虽然我们曾经拥有过

但是对于你来说

已经没有什么值得回忆

难道早已注定不能真正拥有你

当我真心付出一切只为了承受孤单和寂寞

我知道你不敢对我表白

是不要看到我的伤怀

虽然你没有说要离开我

我已经感到你不在属于我

如果你还爱我 你不会对我如此的冷漠

又怎会让我在漫漫长夜独自徘徊

如果你还爱我 你不会对我如此的冷漠

我只能含着眼泪默默的离开