Lost but never forgotten.

Well... it's been three years already since you've gone. Lost from our eyes, but never from our hearts.

And here's something for you to remember...

You're always that beautiful.

Cow

Today's Rcks' Ramblings is brought to you by the word COW.





















Actually.. we are not that different from them.



















And they aren't that hideous, as we think they are.























And they do act cute.

























Or even act funny.





















And they do get curious.

Well. They celebrate christmas too? Not that I know of.

Big and Small

I was rather exasperated that someone new had read what I had been gibbering here. since he gave me a comment. Thanks. Well, I did click to find out whom he was, and through his blog I discovered something; I am not the only gay person blogging here (contary to what I thought). There are like a dozen or more of other gay bloggers here already.

Lunch break was short, so I could not afford to digest all of them in one shot, yet they write great stuffs. They really do. I get the feeling as if the world is like a canopy level in a tropical rainforest

and I am like some new tree sapling sprouting after a monsoon rain; when I've finally capable of straigtening my back and climb up towards the sunlight, it came to my senses that I am not alone. There are bigger trees everywhere!

Well, there is only one rule in nature -- blend in, or extinct.

When conflict occurs they either amplify, or resolve; different cultures may persist, inter-assimilate, or worse inter-exterminate. Anyway, it is nice to sit and admire how other trees grow, but it would be nicer if you grow too!

Still, at times it is good to know that there are a lot of people who shares the same secret like you do... 2 makes a couple and 5 makes a crowd; 10 makes a fellowship and 15 makes a crowd; 20 makes a party and if it's more than that... it's a mob.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And I'm currently listening to this song.

一个人生活 林凡

叶子在窗外轻轻摇过

人行道没有行人走过

镜子里的我很不像我

自从你离开了 我变得很软弱

你的影子在每一个角落

好像是在提醒着我

少了你的陪伴 我现在有多寂寞

我想我可以习惯一个人生活

我想我可以假装不曾爱过

冰凉的夜里让眼泪温热我

我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过

感觉如果要走谁能说 no

我想我可以习惯一个人生活

在记忆里面擦去你的承诺

爱你怎么会是这个结果

我想我可以习惯一个人生活
在记忆里面擦去你的承诺

爱情是个梦而我睡过头

Life is beautiful, but are you?

There are many things which are beautiful around us, if we do take the time and admire them.

Nature itself is beautiful. Every little thing she created is gorgeous, but it is the eye of the beholders themselves that decides, from their own perception, norms and beliefs. Andrew Hume quoted, "Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them." True.

With a set of her own rules Nature weaves a pattern. Simplicity. Period. Plato claims that the beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity.

Let's take an egg as an instance. Why ain't there cuboid eggs? Well, obviously it'll be difficult for the hen to squeeze it out! The shell is deviced with adequate strength. Too hard and the chickling won't be able to poke their heads out of the shells when they hatch; too soft and a drop of rain will crack it up.

So, how do we define beauty? An attractive character? A pleasing trait? A mesmerizing feature? "What ever beauty may be, it has for its basis order, and for its essence unity," some cleric once said. Well, despite the theological contradiction, I can't agree more. Well, at least we know that we like things that we think are beautiful and we dispise those that are not.

Sometimes color makes things so beautiful. The colourful vibrant and lushness just enrich your visionary hunger, indirectly generating a sense of content and transient pleasure. Yes I know, the harmony of colours could be just so mesmerizing, but what about black-and-whites? When we adore beautiful color-rich sights, do we ever think of what lies in the mind of people who are unable to appreciate colours? Will their life still be beautiful? Why not?

Elizabeth Kubler Ross pointed out that people are all like stained glass -- true beauty can be seen only when there is light from within. The darker the night, the brighter the windows. It's the inner beauty that further amplifies the outer beauty. Well, a flower that looks nice but smells horrid definitely attracts no one, isn't it so? Hmm... this rule applies on pretty faces with a venomous heart. Let's see what W. Somerset Maugham has to say. "Beauty is an ecstasy; it is as simple as hunger. There is really nothing to be said about it. It is like the perfume of a rose: you can smell it and that is all."

Sometimes we ask ourselves why some people are born with such beauty? Is it fair that they be lovable by all who behold them? Well, the beauty that addresses itself to the eyes is only the spell of the moment the eye of the body is not always that of the soul. More to that, Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days? (George Bernard Shaw)

Well, don't feel demoralized even if you don't have good looks. Kin Hubbard put it up as "Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense". Well, it's one of my valuable assets, may I clarify myself, although not much people would know how to value it.

Anyway, Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. You may look good, but you stink from head to toe if you spawn evil intentions within your heart. You are beautiful Rickie, you are. Haha.

Latest Muse, News and Unrelated Stuffs.

Latest studies showed that humans are now capable of actually making themselves smarter.

1. Injecting Growth Modulating Chemicals. Growth factors generally stimulate cell growth, and if its level of concentration is increased, prolly it would facilitate the growth of neurons? Well. Try adjusting the genes that actually produce GF.

2. Feeding electrical currents. Electrical voltage stimulates and modifies the brain's function. Hopefully, it'll boost your mood, personality or even your creativity!

3. Magnetic Impetus. Using a transcranial magnetic stimulation, you can tinker with your brain waves and thus disinhibit yourselves. More creativity I guess?

4. Bionic brains. Electronic devices can be implanted and further enhance your brain function. Integrated man-machine interface could be a possibility in the future?

5. Networking nodes. By analyzing your own brainwaves, you might be able to understand them more, and hence altering them to increase your performance and concentration.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And Mikey posted this stupid stuff in his blog. Well... Keiji Takashi sounds like a very nice impressive nihon name, but still my real name is Matsumoto Tatsuhiko. I am mixed Jap, anyway for certain reasons I employ a Chinese name in my birth certificate. :)

Your Japanese Name Is...

Keiji Takashi

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anyway... currently I'm listening to this song. Nice :)

你那么爱他 李圣杰/林隆璇

直到爱消失 你才懂得去珍惜

身边每个美好风景 只是它早已离去

直到你想通 他早已经不再对你留恋

最后的你 开始了一段挣扎

你那么爱他 为什么不把他留下

为什不说心里话?

你深爱他 这是每个人都知道啊

你那么爱他 为什么不把他留下

是不是你有深爱的两个他

所以你不想再让自己无法自拔

Cats

Expectations

I think the world put too much expectations on medical healthcare givers. We are not infallible, you know?

They say doctors are brilliant people. Well, I think everybody's brilliant, just in a different way. I remembered one of my lecturers once said, "Doctors are smart, but the smartest people are all rocket scientists or physicist." Maybe in this Malaysian context students have to be smart in order to win a seat in a medical faculty, but seriously, once you are in, diligence and common sense are the only thing that keeps you alive. You'll soon realize that intelligence is just an extra ingredient that facilitates your learning capability, to some extent.

They say doctors have low EQ. Sadly, yes, but why blame us? Here, picture the daily scenario of a doctor.

You wake up at 6 o clock morning sharp, albeit a busy on-call the previous night with numerous urgent admissions that you have to handle personally, and rush towards the ward for your routine work. Having arrived, you begin screening the patients and reviewing them for their progress in the ward and then they start bombarding you with demands and complaints and questions too. So, patiently you answer them and when you start to wonder how fast time flies, the specialists are already in the building.

Hastily, you try to finish your primary ward rounds before ending up with a harsh scolding by the untouchables, and then miserably initiate another ward rounds with the specialists, presenting the cases that you have tried to handle. Depending on your luck, you'll either be ridiculed or embarassed with sinister comments by them, in front of the nurses, the patients and the relatives. That is where the thick hide of yours is helpful; no matter how embarassed you are, life goes on.

By the time you finish your morning ward rounds and you are trying to catch your breath, the lovely nurses in pink inform you that you have new admissions to handle. Hmmm... Let see. While you're busy clerking this dementic aunty who responses with nonsense, someone at the other side of the ward hits the RED button and the nurses start yelling hysterically for you. Someone is having a cardiac arrest. You look at your watch - 12.30 p.m. - and you know that lunch is going to be late today.

Eventually at three something p.m., you scurried to the canteen for a quick lunch and shockingly the canteen taukeh smiles at you and shakes his head. It's all empty. You ordered a plate of fried noodles and while you trying to sip some of your iced milo, your pager alarms you with a sharp wail. Sneakily you try to ignore it, but the patients over the next table stares at you with suspicion. You try desperately to act cool, but a second round of beeping wails. You throw a two ringgit note onto the table and then grab some sardine buns and then speed back towards the ward, munching those buns on the way.

The moment you step your foot into the ward, this old patient with TB shouts for you and starts to weep that his son refuses to pick him home. Comforting him as you try hard to get rid of him, some relative of another patient sneaks behind you and ambushes you with a list of questions and complaints, and not to forget his/her story bout another long distance relative who got well after trying some chinese medication or acupuncture. What's more? Some even question your credibility and prompt you to heal your patient immediately or they'll curse all your eighteen generation of ancestors.

Having got rid of them, you turn around and demand to know why in the hell did they page you the nurse on call informs you that a critical case from some rural area is pending to arrive in 5 minutes time and you have to brace yourself to manage it. Suddenly the doors flap open wide and you see paramedics pushing a wheeled bed drastically and there's a sick toxic patient with a Darth Vader mask on his face. Oh well...

By the time you're finished with him, it's probably around 5 o clock. You mourn as everybody leaves the ward for home but you, since you are on-call again for that night. Clasping your hands tight and pray hardly to someOe that you don't believe He exists, you zealously hope that it would be a serene night without any hustle or bustle.

Well, and see what you wished for. Patients start to flock in the ward and the nurses harshly bang your bathroom door telling you to stop playing with your rubber duckie and get out now! Once you think you have handled all the emergency cases, one by one they come in whenever you try to have a 40 winks.

The only time you realize that the rush is over, it is already 5.30 a.m.. And you only have 30 minutes of shuteye before you start another daily routine. Well, you turn around and look at the mirror, only to collapse with a psychoneurogenic shock after seeing how miserable and cachexic you have become. After regaining conscious in 20 minutes, you ask yourself why in God's name did you choose this career.

I am not trying to boast or indicate anything. Before you start complaining bout how unreasonable and how mean doctors are, try to step in their shoes for a moment.

From a very annoyed Rickie.

My Personality

I think this fits me well...

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

The Seducer test...

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

The Ex test!

You Are A Friendly Ex

You and your ex are just friends - great friends really. (At least that's what you keep telling yourself!) While civility is a good thing, make sure you're not secretly wanting more...

What Type of Ex Are You?

Some test I tried again.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is high. You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love. Having your own life is very important for you... Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

A chronology of Rcks hairstyle - My new look :)

I had a haircut a few days ago. Well, I'm not really satisfied with it but oh well! Let's not be so fussy, ought we?

My Dad gave me a weird set of genes that encode the character of my hair. It is fuzzy and dry and curly, and worse of all, I'm balding! So, I can't really sculpture my hair like those ah-bengs do, no matter how I crave for that capability.

I remembered my school days where all of us have to trim our hair real short... the so-called American Crewcut. Imagine that I have to put up with it for 5 years? After graduating form 6, my junior recommended me to get the spiky look, which eventually made me look better? LOL.

University was different. All the freedom and enthusiasm to express yourself drove me to shave my head bald! Anyway, I did it just to make myself feel better after enduring a tough and agonizing relationship, and that definitely caught a lot of attention from everyone - lecturers, seniors, peers and juniors!

Anyway, I started to alter my hairstyle a little bit while I was in Sibu, thanks to a friend of mine who's a hair-stylist. He deviced something for me which helped me look a little bit attractive, but in the end I appeared quite chubby. (Honestly I already had been putting up some weight-la) Well, he also dyed my hair, which gave me the gold look when I was back in hometown. Well, at least now everybody knows I am a medical student with an attitude. Lalitha even graced me with "mat rock" title, claiming that I was scaring the little kids with my looks. Nonetheless, I think it gave them a second idea of how a medical student should look like!

Then my hair grew thicker and bushier and my scalp itches whenever I sweat. And worse, my hairstylist has disappeared! So, now I resolve to cutting my hair real short.

I am happy, everybody is happy. So, we are all happy. On second thoughts I think I look better with a short hair. *wink*

A song to someone... whom I miss a lot.

心若倦了 泪也干了 这份深情 难舍难了
曾经拥有 天荒地老 已不见你 暮幕与朝朝

这一份情 永远难了 愿来生还能 再度拥抱
爱一个人 如何厮守到老 怎样面对一切 我不知道

回忆过去 痛苦的相思忘不了 为何你还来 拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了 今夜的你应该明了 缘难了 情难了

I miss you... a lot. Jin Yew. I surely do. :)

Rubber Duckie

I bought myself a rubber duckie. It's so adorable, although it costed RM3.90... Filthy bloody slaughter. And here's a nice little picture I took of it in class. :)

Hmmm... I started skimming through the internet searching for other pics of yellow rubber duckies and funny, I don't think they look the same like mine. I wonder.

Anyway... I found something even more intriguing...

Wanna scrub my back?

Anyway, I did a test... and that's what I fared..

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 4.76

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

I love Thailand...

The beauty of angkukueh

If I had a second chance, I would want to be a angkukueh seller.

Don't ask me why. I just want to be one.

Angku kueh is a local delicacy from China. I don't know pretty much about it's history, but I do am aware that it was already there at the time that I was born, or better, when I was a kid.

Inspection

It is actually bloody red in colour superficially. The texture of the outer layer smooth although there is a marked tortoise shell appearance. It rests on a square tailored ?pandan leaf.

Palpation

It is soft and indentable. Non-reducible or fluctuating though. The surface is greasy and slightly sticky.

Special test *bites* *crunches* *swallows*

It is sweet and tangy, with yolk-yellow fillings inside it. Gets slimy after a few munches and sticks in your teeth crevices.

So, where can you actually get one? Some idiots would actually believe me when I say you can get it in Pasar Seni. Well, ninny, you are wrong. It is usually sold in morning markets or even night markets. Usually, you can get 'em at RM1.00 for 3 (or 4?) and it is of abundance especially at nights before an auspicious day. (Mr Kiasu's selling them for S$0.70 for each! that's filty slaughter!)

Well, nobody likes to nibble on an angku kueh liao; they would prefer a hamburger or a Dunkin donut. Sigh...

~"has thou past thy gloriest days?", laments the peddler, who weeps over his left over angku kuehs...~

Well, if you're interested in the recipe... here's the link for it!

Amy Beh's recipe

Somemore snapshots from Thailand

Some snapshots from Thailand