Suicide

I'm still doing psychiatry, currently in my 2nd week. Saw lots of ill patients, and I feel that I'm starting to become like one of them. :)

Yesterday morning I clerked a patient who attempted suicide. Well, an 18 year old lad tried to klill himself by swallowing 40 Paracetamol tablets in one go. The reason he gave me was, he could not bear with the working stress after he had a break up with his girlfriend, and thus he'd rather end his life, in such a way. Miserable? Well, to him not, since he claimed to have no regrets at all. Yet, to me, it seemed to be a miserable way to die.

The following night I received a SMS from another long lost friend who claimed that he is infatuated in me and wanted to wait for me till I graduate just to be with me. Ironically, he had found someone whom he loves a lot, and that someone broke up with him, and he tried to commit suicide by slicing his wrist. I think I made a big time mistake by suggesting him to slice his carotid arteries next time if he wanted to kill himself that badly, since a slice in the wrist isn't that fatal. Maybe I got jealous, maybe I was just being sarcastic. Anyway, I wasted another RM25 on my phone credit just to console that bastard.

Anyway, what I really wanted to know was that those two attempts were really a suicidal (really wanted to end his life), or a parasuicidal (want to try to end his life or harm himself deliberately to seek attention or other goals). It does make a difference for me, even not to others. A suicidal patient would always want to end his life no matter how many times you've saved him, unless some proper intervention has been done, via medically or psychologically. On the other hand, a parasuicidal patient usually will not have another attempt, unless he's decided to commit suicide ultimately after another stressful life event. So basically it makes no difference either.

If I had a chance I would too wanna sleep and never wake up again, but alas! I haven't got such luxury. I have still a scroll-long of responsibilities to complete, before I do have a choice in how to deal with my life. :)

Say goodnight Rickie, not good bye.