The Way I Feel Tonight

At times, it really isn't easy to forget someone, no matter how much you wish to.

I tend to be a scatterbrain, leaving all those important details behind the back of my brain and unable to evoke them when they are desperately needed. Still, I can't get those unwanted memories out of my brain.

The feeling of being rejected, really isn't something easy to be hydrolized and excreted out of your mind. I wish there were such mind laxatives that purge those obnoxiousness right out of my grey matter and spare me from these torment.

Its been awhile since I've had this agonizing feeling; the last time I had it was around 4 years ago months before my STPM where this guy whom I liked a lot just slammed those words out of me.

'Sorry, you're just not my type', was what he said, and that killed everything inside me. Immersing myself in my STPM revision sorta numbed me for a while and gradually I grew out of his shadow, although I admit I do think of him intermittently then. I would cry a lil' while driving to school to do my revision each night, humming a song that reminds me about him the most. The serenity that my school offered me each night soothed and pacified me a lot, yet I still cried alone. I think I eventually succumbed to STPM, having realized that it posed a bigger threat to me, and I strained myself hard so as I would not fail it miserably. Here I am, winning a battle but not a war.

A war of emotions.

4 years later and history repeats itself, in a homozygous manner. This time, just a lil' bit it differs. Another rejection, indeed, but still a somehow different from the initial one. I am pretty amazed at how things change with time. Yup, even the weakest acid will melt away the hardest substance if given ample time. Diamonds too; I don't think they last forever, and even if they do, nobody could live long enough to see it last anyway, so why the obsession with diamonds, people? 1 year ago and he said I meant everything to him; 1 year later and he can't remember a thing. I don't think even a vasculitic dementia would progress that fast, so what went wrong?

I am preoccupied with listening to oldies, maybe because I love 'em, or maybe most of 'em harp on sadness and loneliness and breakups and rejections. I still think every single even that occurs in ur life can be sung out by a song, and when you finally found the song that fits in most, it milks the tears out of your oedematous eyes.

Many a people advocate for this; when you'd like to forget this man, just stay away from him and he'll go away. Little do they know that every single human being is connected to one another with a meager 6 degrees of relativity. Perhaps I should go into seclusion, haha, maybe it might work.

People change, things change. No waves would leave a similar print every time they hit the sand, and I bet not one single of your poo are congruent.

So, this is to that guy whom I'm still thinking of. If you're reading this, just know that it pains me to forget you. You're beautiful, you really are.

And they say love is simple. Not anymore.

Song of the night - Bay City Rollers - The Way I Feel Tonight