I don't know how to love him

For the past few days the radio had been airing Helen Reddy's I don't know how to love him, and gosh, this song evokes many of my long forgotten memories.

Well, the first time I really fell in love... Neh, that was so long ago. I wouldn't want to love anybody, for the time being, yet I keep on having crushes on people... a lot of people... too many people. Mind you that these people I will be narrating are people that I liked yet did not manage to start anything with them. :)

The first one that I had a crush on, well, he turned out to be something rather different-la. Not really my type, but he proved to be a decent cyber-friend until he mysteriously vanished overnight in the cyberspace. Anyway, I managed to meet him, like, 3 years later in Kuching. Funny, he just wasn't what I imagined him to be.

The second one, let's see... he attracted me sexually, but funny thing is that there was nothing between us. It was fast an it ended furiously. Haha. Neh... it did not work out. I really detest his way of bringing me around meeting his friend as if I'm a new imported Japanese car. I hate that idea. Plus, he was too bitchy for me. Too flamboyant. Never like that.

The others were like, erm... seriously I wouldn't want to bore you people. So, here's a piece of Helen Reddy's jukebox. Damn, it really brings the tears out of your eyes, if you really know how to savour it.

I don't know how to love him, what to do, how to move him. I've been changed, yes really changed. In these past few days when I see myself, I seem like someone else.

I don't know how to take this, I don't see why he moves me. He's a man, he's just a man. And I've had so many men before in very many ways, he's just one more.

Should I bring him down, should I scream and shout. Should I speak of love, let my feelings out. I never thought I'd come to this, what's it all about.

Don't you think it's rather funny that I should be in this position. I'm the one who's always been so calm, so cool, no lover's fool. Running every show, he scares me so. '

Yet, if he said he loved me, I'd be lost, I'd be frightened. I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope. I'd turn my head, I'd back away, I wouldn't want to know. He scares me so, I want him so, I love him so