A Korean-like Japanese Tragic Story

I wonder if I had mentioned before that I am actually mixed; since young most of the people I come across would think that I am somehow Eurasian or something similar to that. Neh... I'm not Eurasian, I'm Asian. Still, having evaluated myself almost all the time (I'm such a narcissist), I don't think I that I don't look Chinese.

Anyway, what is bothering me today isn't my looks or whatever. It's a long story.

A few days ago I receive an email. It was a Japanese email and yet it was sent to my ex-classmate who's currently in Japan. 3 years ago I asked him to help me translate my mail and send it. Well, it's my 1st mail to my grandfather. He never replied; as if the mail has just sunk into the bottom of the East China Sea. So, why a reply after 3 years then?

Everything started when Grandmother separated from my grandfather while my father was merely 3; she just picked up my Dad and left Japan, heading back to Malaysia. Nobody actually know why she did that. Nobody then knew at that moment she was already pregnant with my aunt. When my Grandmother died 3 years back then, she buried the secret with her, forever. My grandaunt, who left Japan with my aunt, might know something about it. Still, what weightage does a 50 year old secret carry now, when Grandmother is already 6 feet below?

Her abrupt departure left such a huge impact on everybody's lives, and everyone suffered for it.

Grandmother herself waited for a few years for grandfather to look for her, and when he didn't, she married someone else again. Why? Don't ask me. Somehow, my stepgrandfather wasn't a really successful man. Dad didn't manage to get any proper secondary education at all. Well, he's just a stepson, what could he expect from his penniless stepfather, who has 11 children altogether? Well, Grandmother made her choice, and she lived through it, without a complaint.

Dad had to follow Grandmother's surname since it's easier to get a citizenship with a Chinese surname, although the birth certificate kinda gave it away. He spent all his life growing up as a Chinese boy; Chinese ridiculed him, Malays bullied him. I think that's how Dad became so independent. Despite the alienation, he also grew up in a poor family after my disappointed Grandmother married my step-grandfather. Dad only studied till he was 13, then he picked up smoking, did odd jobs, and ended up with his current state. I honestly believe Dad is not a failure, yet the circumstances made him stop school and he had no other choices. He has a better handwriting than I do (what a shame) and he fixes almost everything - cars, toilets, lamps, pancakes, etc.

I think Dad is content with his life although he has spent 57 years without a real father. Dad did try to look for his own father; he had written many mails to him, hoping for an answer, and to his dismay, there was no response. None at all. It' too much a disappointment for him. Poor Dad.

Aunt Nora, my Dad's little sister, never got to see her father at all. I doubt he ever knew her existence anyway. She was pretty much like Dad; growing up with her stepsiblings, and stopped school rather early. She married early too, and fortunately she's leading a wonderful life now.

In that e-mail, what I heard from the other side recently in Japan was that they suffered too. Grandfather became a drunkard and mistreated her newly married wife, and later his kids too. They hate him, and they hate Grandmother too. Maybe they hate Dad, Aunt Nora, Sis and Me too.

I think 3 years is too much. Well, of course I'm fucking happy to receive a response, but I'm terribly disappointed too. I myself, personally, have spent 24 years living my life like this. It makes no difference if he refused to acknowledge me as his grandson anyway. Hate me if you want, I don't care a damn.

I have no grandfather anyway.

I hate Korean dramas, and I hate all of them for making my life into something like that.